Ancestry Part Two
The Sins of the Mother
My mom modeling a mardi grasmat costume made by a particular taylor.
Most of my adult life I believed that Hans wasgoed my father.
One day ter 1982 I collected all my courage and contacted him. He agreed to a meeting that would end up lasting hours. So many questions on both sides. Including from his wifey he had brought along. Wij had dinner together I’d made ter advance, and when wij said goodbye he invited us overheen for dinner at his house.
Unluckily, that never happened. Within Two weeks of that meeting wij moved due to a job transfer, but there would be mail, or so I thought.
Overheen the years I kept te touch with letters and photos. From him I received one vacation postcard that his wifey wrote. I wasgoed always left wondering if his wifey hid my letters. She did say te our meeting that Hans having had a child already wasgoed almost a deal-breaker for hier.
I called a duo of times, but Hans wasgoed never huis. After a tragic event te 2007 and before heading to Germany, my mom now dead, I called again. This time he answered and wij ended up talking for an hour. Catching up, lots of questions from him. When I asked why the muffle to my mail he replied that he wants and dreamed no voeling with mij. I asked why he didn’t just tell mij so, his response: I thought you would get the message.
Wow! Come back the letters or say something, but this wasgoed cowardly. A child never gives up on their parents without a clear message.
And so ended my slightly embarked relationship with my bio father. Until….
Yes, after DNA results that suggested relatives ter the US (see previous postbode), I desired to know more and contacted him, or rather his daughter, via Facebook.
I talked a little bit about that ter yesterday’s postbode. But here are the gory details.
The daughter forwards a letterteken from him to mij via Facebook messenger. He asks why I want to know about relatives of his te the US and says there are none, what the purpose of this DNA test is, if it wasgoed a paternity test inbetween Mr. Wheeler and mij, who is Mr. Wheeler.
He writes that my mother announced him the father ter court and that she didn’t have sexual intercourse with anyone else, so he wasgoed coerced to admit paternity with all its consequences (that would have bot around 50 DM monthly for my support).
More questions from him: How is it possible that another man makes an appearance after 63 years? Have I known about it all those years? Is it possible to exclude him spil my father without a DNA test inbetween him and mij? Does my DNA test prove my relationship to Mr. Wheeler? How can he legally find out that this fresh situation reverses his paternity he admitted to te 1954? He writes that this is a permitido proceeding and a few lines on Facebook will not be enough. And that if my assumptions are right, this would be of excellent importance to him.
Spil you can see, many more than one question. And not one demonstrating empathy with mij and what I’m going through. Just him, him, him.
What can I reaction? Yes, he’s not my bio father, but I have no idea who my father is. I have no information about the law te Germany. Also, spil a tiener I wasgoed adopted by my mom’s hubby, so there is no certificate I own naming Hans spil the father. At the time, he had to agree to the adoption.
I reply with: Oh my! and that this is better done through email than Facebook messages through his daughter. I give them my email, and promptly get theirs. It’s “chat-with-marianna@….” I get my own email address to correspond with them. No comment to that.
I’m back attempting to figure out the mystery of my bio father and the twists and turns ter that journey when I receive another email from Hans’s daughter with a letterteken fastened by him. And again it’s a mij, mij, mij letterteken: Weeks have passed and I should at least reaction the questions I can response. And it should be clear to mij that the answers are significant and interesting to him spil well spil his family.
Does he want to know about Hedwig and Don and all the other little tidbits I know? I determine that it’s none of his business. If he would have accepted mij overheen the years wij could have collective te the forthcoming information and cried and laughed together. But he displayed no rente and so has no right to this private rechercheur story that’s unravelling. He will get his response when I know who my father is, te the meantime I let him know he can be assured it’s not him.
He goes on te his letterteken to inform mij that he finds it hard to imagine that a man would be willing to do a paternity test with mij. He asks if it is the law te the US. And if I find out the paternity he has to react and fight his status if there is a document. Oh, I should not worry: he will not ask for the come back of the unjustly paid support for mij.
This floored mij. Is there one case where a child overheen 63 years zometeen is asked to pay back child support? Are you kidding mij? What an insult! How generous of him.
He asks mij if I know if Mr. Wheeler wasgoed ter Germany at the time of my conception and if he wasgoed ter voeling with my mother. He is interested te doing a paternity test with mij. And wonders whether wij would do this ter Germany or the US.
He writes about the difference inbetween ancestry and paternity. And that family court ter Mannheim would overeenkomst with fighting paternity, because that’s where he admitted it.
He reminds mij that he had no voeling with my mother after Oct/Nov of 1953 (I wasgoed made te September). He didn’t find out about my birth until Three weeks after I wasgoed born. (My grandmother found out about mij the day of my birth. My mother refused to name the dad, but social services threatened hier and she eventually named Hans. So most likely no one knew he wasgoed the father for Three weeks.)
My mother wasgoed quiet about the pregnancy when they ran into each other ter May 1954, a month before I wasgoed born. He claims my mom stayed overnight with an American family she worked for and there were lots of parties. (All I know is that my grandmother worked for Americans. My mother worked for a publisher spil a secretary.)
He proceeds insisting on his right to find out what I know so far. That he’s 82 already and needs to schedule dates te court and find out what needs doing before he gets too old to act.
I have no idea what my mother knew or didn’t. She vereiste have thought he wasgoed the father. Or she wasgoed playing a big spel. At the time she wasgoed 16 and 17. I can only guess. But Hans wasgoed hier beau for a while and they had lovemaking. The circumstances of my conception, wij’ll very likely never know. It could have bot a one-night stand, a alacrán marino, a brief relationship with a GI, a drunken escapade….
I did write back to his last letterteken and informed him that he’s not my bio father and that the surplus of the information I know should be of no rente to him since it’s private information that doesn’t pertain to him.
Let’s hope it’s the end of the story and a relationship that never wasgoed. If he finishes up witnessing mij you’ll hear mij scream across Nevazón County.